Love You Not
by ElizabethSH
Summary: 3Shot: CASKETT ANGST - "They'll kill you, Kate" he said. "Castle, we are over". - After watching the promo for S3 finale, I tried to imagine, that scene between Beckett & Castle. Enjoy .. or not.
1. Chapter 1

**Note**: After seeing the promotional spot of the third season's finale ... I couldn't get that scene out of my mind, so I wrote it down. Notice also, that I saw NO sneak peek before writting that!

*English is a second language to me, so please forgive all the silly mistakes I might have made.

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><p>"Castle, they killed my mother."<p>

"They'll kill you Kate" He simply said. His tone was as serious as a heart attack.

Kate Beckett knew he was right, but she wasn't afraid to die to their hands. Any other killers, she might have reconsider, but them ... they were the reason she'd gotten that far, why she pushed it so hard to become as good as a cop can be. If she was to die tonight, the only regret she'd have was not having shot them first.

When Richard Castle read her determination in her lack of response to that, he went on: "You crawled in your mother's murder, and they didn't come out, but you're getting too close, this time they will, they'll track you down"

"Are you done?"

"You do know what you're getting yourself into, right?"

"I think you just brief me on that, thank you."

She was mad. She was biting his head off. Maybe. But she would not stand down, no matter what he'd say, they both knew it. She just couldn't stand down. Whether, he disagreed or not, she truly didn't care.

"I can't let you go out there alone"

"Castle, you're not following me around, not this time."

"The hell, I'm not! You may not realise it, but you need me now, more than you ever have before."

"I don't need you Castle, I never have!"

"That's a lie." He strongly denied.

To her, it wasn't. He came to her, from the very beginning of their little partnership, he got assigned to her, and she never asked nor needed a partner. Sure, she found him very useful in times, but it was like a plus, a cherry on a cake, a very interesting asset, but he wasn't _needed_! And she certainly didn't need him around.

"It's over, Castle. _We _are over!"

She was upset, she wasn't meaning those words. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself with. He looked up at her angry eyes, and he could not believe what he was reading there.

"You're not getting rid of me, I know what you're up to; I'm not going away!"

He was bluffing. He truly hoped that she was trying to drive him away, she could have all the reasons she wanted; caring, duty, love, protection, what so ever, but it would make sense. After all that they've been through, it would just be legitimate.

She sighed loudly and looked away. She even smiled, a pissed smile. She lifted a hand to her mouth and nodded. Beckett made a half turn before turning away to add:

"After three years, Castle, have you _ever_ wondered?" She paused. "Haven't it ever occurred to you why I've _never_ let you in?"

He didn't have anything to say. He felt his heart beating faster; were they really having this conversation? For once, he knew that this time he'd better shut the hell up.

"Three years! I'm not blind Castle and you're everything but subtle."

"Don't!"

He knew exactly where she was going with that. He didn't want to hear it. He couldn't hear those words from her. His head spontaneous started to slowly nod negatively.

"... God knows you've tried, Castle, but the truth is ..."

"Kate, don't!"

"... I don't love you!"

He felt life abandoned ship, exiting his body; he felt empty. They were over. His world started spinning.

"Now, get out of here!" She said coldly, getting back her attention to her mother's case in the room.

He felt his emotions gathering in his chest, forming some kind of cancer and killing him slowly, pressing against his heart. Tearing it apart, ripping it pieces by pieces.

Beckett saw the knife-effect her words had on him. She could tell, the man had died, there, in front of her. She also saw his expression change, he became angry, frustrated. She needed him to be mad at her, she deserved it. She turned back and said:

"And I swear to god, Castle, you try anything stupid and I'll shoot you myself!"

He barely looked at her and walked out of her apartment, slamming the door shut.

Beckett felt awful, his stare haunted her memory. Her eyes filled up with tears; her defences lowered now that he was gone. She had succeeded into turning him down. She had to. She had to hold on to that. She needed him out of there, away from her, so he wouldn't get hurt. He had seen right through her; she did try to get rid of him ... for his protection. She couldn't stand the thought of losing him. The irony was that she had to hurt him herself, she did have to lose him after all. But if she knew he was alive, even mad as hell at her, it would've been worst it. Even though, she fairly understood that, the pain she felt inside her wasn't fading away.

"I don't love you" she echoed herself. "Richard Castle, I don't love you, I don't ... love you" She repeated it again and again hoping to convince herself. "I am not in love with you, I ... I ... love you ... not." She inhaled deeply and sobbed while exhaling. She hid her face within her palms, got down to the floor and cried her heart out.


	2. Chapter 2

NOTE: It was suppose to be a oneshot, but ... you know, inspiration, when it's there, pretty hard to make it go away, so this oneshot is becoming a threeshot ;) Enjoy!

Also, be aware; I did not see the season three finale yet. Everything I know, so far, is because of the promotional preview from ABC and CTV, and I've seen the sneak peeks. Other than that, I don't know. This chapter is simply "inspired by" the promo, no spoiler. Again, forgive my rookie mistakes concerning syntax and grammar; English is a second language to me but, I hope it's still enjoyable.

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><p>EXTRA CHAPTER 1<p>

She closed the refrigerator door after taking a beer out. The cool air waving out of the machine gave her chills. She took a glass and held it, instead of putting it down to the counter, giving it a second thought. She was an awful person she thought. A cold hearted woman, not the remarquablely strong character the author thought of her. Why was he seeing her that way? The thought of him brought back the pain in her chest. She squeezed her hand on the glass and looked at it for a second. It was empty, just like the opinion she had of herself right now. She replaced it back in with the others and reached for the bottle opener in a nearby drawer, but she couldn't find any.

"_They'll kill you Kate!"_ echoed Castle's voice in her head. She stopped. His broken stare and his wounded expression on his face flashed back at her. "_I don't need you, Castle, I never have!"_ She remembered herself saying. She bit her lower lip holding back the overwhelming emotions coming back and looked away in denial. _"I don't love you"_ She inhaled deeply.

"Oh, Castle" she said before putting a hand to her mouth trying to keep it all in. She put down the beer and placed her hand on the counter, contracting it to form a fist. Tears streamed down her face, slowly. She took another deep breath to sooth herself down.

She looked up at the ceiling, "I can't do this!" She said out loud. _I'm not strong enough_, she thought. "I can't!"

Kate Beckett remembered herself back 12 years ago. She remembered the policemen, the yellow tapes, the sadness in everyone's eyes, her father's expression. Then she saw her. Johanna Beckett, murdered January 9th, 1991, loving mother and wife. That woman, there, lying at her feet, she was her mother, and yet, she wasn't crying. Her heart couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. The expression in her eyes, the twisted way her body had been left, right next to the garages, the smell, the sound of morning traffic, something wasn't right! Her father came and embraced her tight. Never, have she seen him cried before. Only then did tears fill her eyes. She sneezed and washed them away quickly. She had to be strong, she thought back then. The one responsible for that horror scene had to be found and punished!

Kate Beckett looked back at herself now. When have she become so weak? Now that she was closer than ever, now that the end of it was near, she was having second thoughts. What a pity! She felt awful. She hated herself; for being weak, for becoming this cold hearted and mind driven cop, crying out for justice only because she couldn't have any twelve years ago. That monster had murdered more than her beloved mother that night; he had also killed the woman Katherine Beckett could've become today. Instead it gave birth to that weak, blinded and scared woman she now was. Seriously, who was she without her mother's murder? No one! All she was today was because of that. It defined her career, her person, her choices, everything.

"I'm sorry mom." She whispered. Her body started to shake. "I don't know what to do". She didn't want to let her mother down, but she didn't want anyone to suffer her death if something happened. "I wish you were here."

Her dad. He suffered enough with the love of his life taken away, will she be jeopardizing everything he had left; his only child? All that remained of his wife; the only heart still beating with both their genes; the only witness to their love; her.

She took back the beer in her hand, held it down the counter so the cap was over the top and slapped it open with her free hand. She took a sip and tasted the cold malt and alcohol filled liquid down her throat. Thinking was not going to help her, she had to stop that!

As the beer level lowered, her thoughts and doubts seemed to drown away. With the path free of these obstacles, she remembered; all she ever wanted, since the very beginning, was justice. And justice wasn't going to be made if she stayed there doing nothing, hiding or running away. Then, an epiphany stroke her; her mother's case didn't forged her, the quest for justice did! Seeking the truth, was all her mother cared about, and she inherited of it as well, she had to know the truth once and for all. She couldn't hold herself from it for a reason; holding back that need for truth was a mistake. Her mother did not hold it back, she would not either! Johanna Beckett got killed fighting in name of the truth, and if she had to die for it as well, she would be honoured! If the truth could never hurt you, it was the only good reason to die for to her!

She put down the now half filled bottle, washed away the old tears from her eyes and breathes deeply, ready for a new start. She went back to the living room, pick up her handgun and re-opened her home-made murder board slash window.

After a few hours of wandering around and trying to sort things out, she picked her jacket and left.

She got into her car, started the engine and drove away.

Just as she left the corner, another vehicle's engine started and followed her with the lights off.


	3. Chapter 3

NOTE: Now I've watched the finale! (One word: "_GOD!_") But do not worry, no spoiler concerning it, as usual. It's still inspired by the finale promo & the sneak peeks, not more. Minor spoiler for Knockdown (3x13).

EXTRA CHAPTER 2

Kate Beckett turned left and parked the car on the street, while a cab passed her by. Once out of the vehicle, she quickly looked around, screening for life signs but there weren't any in sight. She then turned right into a small and dark alley.

The cab had been following her from her apartment with the lights off. The vehicle stopped half a block away from hers. A tall man got out from the passenger seat, checked around as well, and engaged himself into that same, small and dark, alley, slowly.

Beckett hid in the dark. Once the man passed in front of her without noticing her; she grabbed him from behind. After wrist-locking and twisting his arms behind his back, she drove his body up against the wall.

"I thought I told you to back away, Castle?" whispered Beckett between her strongly tightened teeth.

"_OW... ouch_, too tight" he complained. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to – _OUCH!_" He screamed when she gave him a push, still holding him at her mercy.

"I'm not interested in your excuses! Go home!"

She cut him loose.

The detective walked a few steps away, hands on her hips and smiled up at the night sky; god, he was stubborn, she thought.

Richard Castle, breathed in and out, quickly washed his face from the fear she just gave him, and then looked at her. From where he was he could see the lighting from the street drawing her delicate silhouette. Kate Beckett was the finest mix of intelligence and hotness he ever came across in his whole life. Beautiful was her mind, beautiful was her perfectly shaped body, beautiful were her wounds and scars, beautiful were her determination and strength, beautiful was her soul; beautiful, indeed, she truly was! When Kate Beckett neither heard nor see any moves from the author, she turned around to see what was taking him so long. He was like, just standing there, hypnotized. She sighed loudly.

"Castle?" she shouted, getting him out of his reveries. "I said 'go', _now_!" She said, overstressing the time reference.

He shook his head quickly, and declared on a serious tone: "No. I can't do that!"

"Oh please. We're not having this conversation again! You can, and you will!" She wanted to order it to him, but technically it wouldn't change anything, since she didn't have any authority on him. There was only one way to have him officially out of this; having him kicked off the twelfth precinct. Mayor's orders or not, he was not staying; she'll make sure of it!

"Not a chance." He stated once more.

"Fine. You want to stay here? Stay here. I'm leaving!" She turned her back on him and started to walk out of the alley.

Suddenly, a scene emerged from his souvenirs; a young and savvy female detective, walking out _as the shadows of the alley closed back on her (cf. R. Castle's _Heat Wave_)_. Three years back, after they closed their first case together. Kate Beckett gave him more then she'll ever imagine or knew. He owed her his life. For a second, as he realised he may lose her to the ones who took her mother's life, he felt his heart beat again. It had died earlier in the evening, but now it was given a new life, a new strenght. Thoughts were struggling in his mind; he didn't need her to love him. He loved her, period. And there was nothing she could ever say or do to change that, he couldn't either. Therefore, he had to stop her, whatever the cost.

"Beckett, wait!" He called.

She just ignored him and continued walking.

"I've talked to your dad!" He dropped out in a desperate attempt.

She stopped. "I'm sorry" she turned around. "You what?" she slowly said.

"I've talked to your father, Kate!" He repeated, starting to realise what kind of storm he had just awaken on him. He swallowed nervously, but stood her gaze as she walked back toward him, slowly. Like the lion approaches it's pray before its deadly strike.

"Anything else you want to tell me? You watered my plants while I was out or maybe you brought flowers on my mother's grave as well. Get a life Rick, and let me out of it."

"He's worried; you're everything he's got left." He continued, ignoring her cold remarks.

She stopped a few inches before his face and stared into his eyes, still mad. He paused, waited to see if she had anything to replied, but she remained silent and staring, so he went on: "He's afraid of losing you, Kate".

She took a moment, her eyebrows frowned a little more and she bit her lower lip before saying, slowly: "Stay out of this, Rick!"

It was too dark for Castle to see that small and timid tears started gathering in her eyes, but he heard her tone change when she added: "Please."

His gaze lowered from her eyes to her face. Then he almost whispered: "Why are you so determined to push me away?"

The darkness still covered for her expression change.

"You've asked me if I ever wondered why you wouldn't let me in" He paused "I never have! All I ever wondered was why you've been fighting it so hard." He admitted calmly.

She strongly held his gaze. She switched balance from one foot to the other and crossed her arms in front of her; shielding herself from whatever was coming at her.

"We kissed once and pretend nothing had happened, we faced death together, twice in a day; holding hands and in each other's arms, and still pretend nothing had happened." He continued.

"YES, because nothing had happened!" she objected.

"Really?" he said softly, absolutely unimpressed.

She felt upset, again, as if he'd said forbidden words. How dared he bring back those moments? Meanwhile, she felt something weird within her chest. She became short of breath and her heart felt like it wanted to get out, almost nauseous.

"What does that have to do with anything, anyway?" she denied once more.

"You know exactly what it has to do with anything! You're just scared of what it would mean."

"And what would that be, _exactly_?" She asked, innocently, trying to buy some time. Now, her heart was beating faster than ever, she felt its every pulsation, pounding like a drum. At one point, she wondered if it would be noticeable. Her dry mouth slightly opened, needing more air in.

Rick Castle was just there standing in front of her, staring at her. His eyes spoke the words he wasn't ready to say, but she didn't dare reading them. He wanted to kiss her now. He wanted to taste her lips, make her understand what she truly meant to him. But, he figured, she wasn't ready for it.

She wasn't completely aware of it, but, deep down, she wanted his lips on hers now. If he had kissed her, she would have let him. She could've gone for it, since he wasn't, but she wasn't ready to take that step. If he was taking them there, okay, but she wasn't able to, not now. He was right; she was scared.

Instead, he took her hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart. In confusion, she looked at their joint hands and felt the man's heart beating fast in her palm. It was pacing almost as strongly and as fast as hers. "That" he said. "That is how much I'm afraid. I don't want to lose ..." he paused, took back his breath while sorting out his thoughts and continued "I don't want you to throw your life away over this, you worth more than your mother's death, Kate."

"Castle, that's sweet but I-" she said it on an almost comprehensive tone.

"We're not going to win this. Not this time, not this one." He cut.

She freed her hand from his and took a few steps back. _What?_ She thought. He was losing faith in it? She was worth more than her mother's death? To her, her mother's case was worth it! Her case file, along with her mother's colleagues', Raglan's and all the others related to it, they all needed justice to be made, just like every other cases they've been working on for the last three years – if not more, considering the circumstances. She couldn't just left them unsolved, not this close to the long awaited truth.

"I have to go" she simply said.

But Castle grabbed her forearm before she could make another step. She looked back at him, pissed. She had enough.

"Let go, Castle! This is _my_ life and _my_ job! Now let go."

It took a few extra seconds, but he freed her. He lowered his head. He was disgusted at the lack of influence he had over her. Kate Beckett was so determinate and stubborn; absolutely no one could ever make her change her mind, _no one_! He was going to lose her, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Do _NOT_ follow me this time, Castle! Go home." She screamed over head without turning back.

She got into her car and left for the precinct. Kate Beckett made one call to captain Montgomery on the way: "Sir, I need to speak with you; I need Castle out of this, _for good_!" She simply said before ending the call with the usual courtesies.

Meanwhile Castle, called a cab, went directly home and tried in vain to sink his disturbing feelings and thoughts into alcohol.

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><p>NOTE: My part here is done, the rest of the story, well it's the finale ... Hope you liked it, reviews are loved; don't be afraid to be honest, like it or not, I want to know ... and what was great, and what wasn't ...<p> 


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